Dear You,
How are you? No, seriously. How are you?
I feel like my natural instinct whenever someone asks me this is to say I’m okay – and I forget that it’s okay to not be okay sometimes.
Honestly…
I’ve been feeling a constant flux of emotions.
Though chilling at home hasn’t been all that bad, there are days where I start to question what I’m even doing with my time…especially when I look at the date and realize I got it wrong for the 8th time this month. It gets worse when I realise how my constant routine consists of me waking up late, eating lunch, playing Animal Crossing, eating dinner, probably watching some YouTube, maybe doing some work and definitely dozing off while I do my Quiet Time before bed. Despite it being the holidays, my days have started to feel quite pointless. Plus, exams are coming up. This whole trance-like way I’ve been passing my days is not only bad for my productivity, but also adds to the worry. I know I’ll have to start chiong-ing for it soon. Honouring God with my time shouldn’t look like this right?
Phew! While freely typing my feelings out did kinda make me feel better, I promise you that I’m not writing this to click bait you into hearing my experiences this holiday. What I am doing, however, is firstly trying to tell you to remember this: to always be honest with yourself.
The Best Policy
I know there might be a paisei Asian in all of us, convincing us that it’s better to just keep quiet about the “ugly” parts about life; whether it be a variety of things making you feel sian, specific things like a relationship problem making you feel helpless, or even things like the uncertainty of the future making you feel anxious.
Yet, by concealing our true feelings and situations, we are denying ourselves an opportunity to address whatever we are facing in a healthy manner. Pretending we are fine restricts us from seeking help, much less the chance to relieve ourselves of the weight we carry around. This would come back to impact us on a mental, physical and social level.
Although you may not be able to directly pinpoint the cause of all your negative emotions, in clearly articulating how you feel, you are indeed one step closer to diagnosing the problem because you are able to express what has been bothering you – which then allows you to proceed to the why.
So, rather than spend all that energy trying to conceal all you’ve been feeling, it is better channeled by trying to ease it.
Ready Player One…
Was a cool movie that came out 2 years ago. I’m not going to spoil it, but I want to use it as a reference for stuff that could potentially help us get out of a rut whenever we find ourselves in one. As a tldr for anyone who hasn’t watched it, it’s about people competing in a Virtual Reality world to complete quests, so that they can win a grand prize in real life. Like any typical show, this involves good guys trying to beat bad guys to the grand prize.
Now, imagining that you are a character in the movie, the ways in which you would approach the quests are, in reality, the ways you could also learn to handle your emotions in a healthy way – this could eventually lead you to solving the root cause of your problem.
1. Having a Plan
As covered in the previous letters on time management and resolutions, planning is crucial. Yet, it is also equally important when it comes to managing negative emotions as it, again, gives you a direction to work towards.
This might sound strange to do because who even has a personal make-myself-feel-better plan? But think of it as more of a go-to checklist you can refer to whenever you are feeling down! It could be as simple as setting reminders to buy a drink that you really like or to listen to happy music when you are in a bad state. The reason for this is that negativity usually creates more negativity.
I know that when you’re meh at life the very last thing you think of is seeing yourself happy or relaxed, but that is precisely why you need to break that cycle! Which leads me to my next point….
2. Committing
There is no use in listing stuff down if you aren’t going to follow them! It sounds painful as it might be like forcing yourself to be happy when you’re not. However, that may be exactly what you need to pick yourself up. For example, I know that what works for me is always dragging myself out of the house and going for a run when I really don’t want to. To be clear, I’m not a fitspo. And just before I head out to run, all I want is usually to curl up in a ball and think about how life sucks. Yet, post-run, I always end up feeling happier and come to realize life isn’t so bad when I clear my head from being overwhelmed with bad thoughts about life. Just try to find those go-to pick-me-ups for yourself!
Moreover, as Christians, ‘committing’ also takes on a much deeper meaning: committing everything we have to God. What this means can be seen in
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”
Beyond having a God who genuinely cares for how terrible you may be feeling, He is also present to deliver you from your concerns.
As it is said in Psalm 34:17-18,
“17The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.””
3. Community
Having a group of people to turn to for support when times get rough is definitely helpful too! Find a group of people you can trust and be honest with. Sometimes, the problem you are facing may not be as bad as you thought, perhaps you just needed someone to listen to how you feel.
4. Simulations are not Substitutions for the Real Thing
This is the most important point to remember.
In Ready Player One, the VR world simulated real life. Every punch and kick in the game was felt in the real world. An idea that was raised was also how the game in the movie was not real life and could never replace it.
By extension, this still applies to us and to all the other kinds of technology we use like our Nintendo Switches and our YouTube videos that take us away from the troubles of life. However, this doesn’t just stop at technology. This includes everything that distracts us from what we as Christians are called to live our lives for: God.
In the words of Blaise Pascal, “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.”
It may well be that my feelings of sian-ness and lack of purpose were from how I wasn’t living a God-filled life. Though my concerns were also on things not related to my spiritual walk, I was unknowingly finding substitutes to satisfy my spiritual thirst for God.
Sure, I can have fun, but my virtual simulations became a distraction for my deeper and unknowing desire: to live my life with purpose – a purpose that can only be wholly fulfilled with God. This can explain why I have been feeling drained from essentially doing nothing and also why people never seem to be content with what they have; one A will not compare to 2 As, and 2As won’t compare to 3As and the list goes on.
So Why Regulate Bad Emotions and not Get Rid of It?
In this aspect, we should not be following Elsa from Frozen when she says: “conceal don’t feel”.
Anxiety, helplessness and all other kinds of bad feels in a small degree can actually be helpful or motivational in spurring us to do things like understanding our problems or studying that bit harder. Thus, we shouldn’t be trying to get rid of these emotions entirely. It is the learning how to cope with it that makes all the difference.
However, an essential thing we should note is that when such feelings become too much and occur for too long, seeking professional help would likely be the best way to help us cope.
To end off with these verses from
“4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Know that time and emotions are blessings from God so I wish that you all will continue to abide in His presence as He reveals to you the purpose of your life – through every season, good or bad.
With Love: Noah