Dear You, 

新年快乐！

I never really enjoyed reunion dinners. That is, until I didn’t have one.

In itself, reunion dinners were great for the food. I mean, having abalone, three types of meat and sometimes even crab for no cost at all was a pretty great steal (cause it’s not like you paid for it either, your parents did). I just had to turn up. 

When I think of Chinese New Year, one of the most immediate things that came to my mind was the dreadful idea of facing all my relatives. Relatives that told me I’ve gained or lost too much weight, relatives that asked how was school and whether I got straight As, and relatives nagging at me to make the right choices in life and to plan for my future. 

Family is familyI’m not saying I came just because I wanted ang pows. Or their stacks of new year goodies. I’m saying this because some time in the future, you will look back and you will regret not treasuring the time you had with them – regardless of how painful it might be right now. As horrid as their blunt comments might sound, they ultimately do it out of the care they have for you. As unbelievable as this may also sound, these will (oddly) be the things you laugh about and try to get back when you’re older. Trust me on this, it’s coming from someone who used to literally run away from them.

At the end of the day, relatives and reunion dinners are neither purely a source of annoyance nor memes. Instead, they form an important part of our tradition and the environment that God has placed us in. It is good to bear in mind that God has a plan for all of us, which definitely includes putting us in a particular place and time and around the people we call our family. Through our interactions with them, we actually learn a lesson of how we are to react as Christians. 

We can’t change who we’re related to, but we can change our relations with them
In spite of all the things I’ve overlooked and forgot about Chinese New Year like the obnoxious music and what four-character phrases to say when I bai nian, one thing I did remember is this: that my extended family never stopped caring about what I was up to. It didn’t matter how frustrating or disinterested I was being, or whether I was the kinder version of myself; they still checked in on me year in and year out. At the heart of all their annoying questions, small talk and criticisms lay a fundamental and consistent concern with how I was coping. This made me fully realise the whole point of this Chinese tradition, which was to gather as a family unit to catch-up, celebrate and forgive each other with the coming of the new year. 

So, every time my relatives tested my patience, I took it as an opportunity to learn how to have patience. I took my interactions with them as a way to show Christ by learning to be gracious and to continually acquire the fruits of the Spirit. Though on a very different scale, the way God first loved us unconditionally is how we, too, are called to love them even if they frustrate us. What this means is that we should keep trying to be that better and kinder version of ourselves. Not because we feel bad about being rude all the time to our loved ones (even if we should), but because it’s what we are called to do as Christians. Our proper response is hence to gain love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control and express that to others. 

 Perhaps the concept of and our appropriate response to Chinese New Year is then best summarised by this Chinese proverb

饮水思源 “When you Drink Water, Know its source”

For all the complaints you may have about your relatives, do know that they, in part, made you into the person you are today. In the same manner, recognise that any change in character you have, such as renewed patience, stems from God constantly equipping you through the Spirit. Whatever we think we’ve achieved over the years is made possible not simply from our own doing, but only through the grace we’ve first received from God and from those around us. 

Therefore, whenever you, like me, may be tempted to ignore your relatives or reply paggro-ly this Chinese New Year, I hope that you will remember how irritating you have been and how you were pardoned in spite of it. I also hope that you will come to show your appreciation for the people that have raised you thus far and to cherish any time you have with them. Arguments and disagreements really come and go, but the time you will wish you had with them is limited and can never be obtained again.

So yes, I never really enjoyed reunion dinners. And truth be told, I never really enjoyed the loud festivities of this Chinese tradition. There was too much noise and the red seemed kinda uncool, especially when I look at Western celebrations like Thanksgiving that just had chill meals in cute knitted sweaters. Yet now, I see the real significance behind it and how it parallels celebrations like Thanksgiving.

While I may not have (nor want to wear) a knitted sweater in Singapore’s heat, in keeping in line with our tradition, I proudly wear red now regardless. Though it may just be a symbol of this festive period, to me, it is also symbolic of blood –and how it is thicker than water. 

With Love: Noah