Dear younger GCB self,
No girlfriend = problem(?)
“Oh man, another valentine’s day where I’m alone :(((” At this stage of your life, getting a girlfriend may be high on your priorities list – beside doing well in school and having a solid group of friends. You just need to pluck up the courage to ask that cute girl in your class (or in church) out, not before getting a feel of whether she’s interested by texting and/or talking to her first, of course.
Sorry to burst your bubble, sadly, but for some of us, things may never work out in romantic relationships. You might meet someone tomorrow, next week, or next year. But maybe you will never find a person who will reciprocate the deep feelings of affection you have for them – what then?
-Insert forever alone meme-
Are you to remain single and miserable forever? You ask God why, and you begin to get angry and frustrated with Him for not putting someone in your life. But before you go nuts and start tearing pages out of your bible, why don’t you touch your heart and ask yourself - why do you want to be in a relationship in the first place? Or rather, why you so thirsty bro???
Other than simply a desire to have someone to look after you lest you become Carl from “UP” (sed) – aren’t you just trying to fill that void of loneliness and companionship? A person that you can laugh, cry, play, chat, live life with, and perhaps most importantly, to love you? Perhaps losing that last thing is the most painful because sometimes you think so lowly of yourself that you can’t even see the worth and love that God has for you.
I get attached ≠ joy
Ok, first, know that if you are single, this does not define your worth. Not before God, and definitely not before any mockers who feel that life is over just because you are not in a romantic relationship. Also, fyi, Jesus was single for life, as was Paul, and look what they did for God – in Paul’s case, check out 1 Corinthians 7!
BUT, this isn’t necessarily a letter to promote #singlehood4lyfe, nor is it a letter to slam people in relationships. Let’s not forget that finding a partner for marriage is a beautiful institution created by God for man! But at the end of the day, whether single or married, know that none of these states can bring you the joy and worth you seek. Not unless you seek the source of true joy. When you do, only then can you learn to live a joyful, peace-filled life, regardless of your relationship status.
How can we experience that joy? Well, one way to do it is to realise and understand that the love that God gives surpasses any human love we can experience in this lifetime. Learning about it through God’s word and taking God’s promises to heart and living out a life for Him helps build toward that.
Another way to do it is by embracing the gift of your relationship status that God has given you! Why not use your time in singlehood to help serve others? Take a leap of faith and say “YES!” to do awesome, spontaneous things for God that you may not have been able to do if you were attached and couldn’t spend time away from your partner. Things like starting a prayer group in your school, volunteering for the less-privileged/marginalised in your community, going for long-term missions…the possibilities are endless!
But, if you do these things, does this mean that you will never be bothered by singlehood? HAHAHAHAHAHA no. There will be many-a-time when you will doubt yourself. Maybe when you see diabetes couple photos on Instagram. Or at times you just feel crappy and miserable because you think no one will ever love you.
In these moments, I pray that you have friends or family that can remind you of your true worth in Christ. Or perhaps, if you were to stop being self-centred for a minute, you could be that very friend to another whom you know is feeling down about themselves because they doubt their self-worth! But never, ever discount the value of these relationships as compared to that of romantic relationships. For how valuable is a trusted spiritual friendthat can watch out for you and warn you (and rebuke you if need be) to make sure that you keep on a path toward righteousness and not destruction. A true brother in Christ. I truly, deeply hope that you will be able to find bros like that around you and that you may keep each other accountable in your faith journey.
It is high time to stop beating yourself up over lost love. And stop beating others up for their lack of a partner. Sure, God’s plan for us might not be a Disney-level romantic relationship that the world tells us we OUGHT to have, but He has demonstrated His love through something deeper, richer and more perfect that any love we can seek from any other person on this earth. Take comfort in that. After all, GOD’S VERY SON chose to come down from heaven to die for our sins despite our v. deserved eternal judgement. Isn’t it time we show God (and ourselves) some respect and experience true joy in Christ?
“What God is this? What kind of sacrifice? Would give so much to gain a loveless soul?” Love, Noah